I told my neighbor I was about to write a Religious blog called “is your friend a Ass? And he burst into laughter. Apparently saying Religion and Ass as a simile doesn’t compute spiritual enlightment: But in this case it does. Granted ‘ass’ can mean many things within different arenas of explanation. Within this current blog/article the word ass is meant to describe a Equus Asinus. Which simply mean a ‘donkey’ for all you benighted folk (smile)
Yes I am writing about a long eared, slow, patient, sure footed domesticated mammal that was used as transportation before cars and trucks came speeding along. To be direct, I’m talking about the donkey, mule, or whichever you want to call it; that’s found in the bible of Numbers chapter 22 verses 21 – 41. This donkey had a owner by the name of Balaam, who used a form of astrology to present as magic. Moab’s king had hired Balaam to put a curse on the people of Israel-God’s people. Balaam put a saddle on his donkey and then mounted it, ready for their journey. Somewhere down the way the ‘sure footed’ donkey veered off the road’s course into a field. Balaam’s foot was crushed by his now scared donkey that accidentally backed into his masters. A pain stricken Balaam began hopping on one foot cursing like a drunk sailor and then struck his ass, hitting it with his walking stick, then hit it again and again.
Verse 28: Balaam answered the donkey. He said “You have made me look foolish I wish I had a sword in my hand, If I did I’d kill you right now”
Verse 30: The donkey said to Balaam “I’m your own donkey. I’m the one you have always ridden. Haven’t you been riding me to this very day? Have I ever made you look foolish before?”
“No, Balaam conceded.
The story goes on to say that God opened Balaam’s (spiritual) eyes and he saw the Angel of Death holding a sword ready to kill Balaam had he sated the course and crossed the Angel’s path. Balaam now in tears realized that his trusted donkey ‘saved his life’ The ass saved his master by protecting his life.
Which brought me to a recent visit I had with one of my friends and long time supporter, that I’ve known for 10 years now. I love her platonically and except her as apart of my family. We are realist and structure our friendship free of prevarication. So moments into our conversation I noticed she had lipstick on her teeth and it became a distraction to me because I knew she did not know, So I told her and she immediately rose up in a panic and went to the bathroom to clean it off. When she returned she smiled at me in a thankful manner , then said “you are such a ass”.
My mind returned to Balaam and his donkey and confidently I agreed with her assessment that I am a ass. I refuse to have my family look stupid in public. Just like I refuse to stroke another’s ego with lies just so they feel good about themselves. I know my REALness is like a shot of warm evervlear whiskey raging down your sensitive throats. Too hard to swallow but I didn’t become a so callously truthful while in prison I was the same as a free man. The only difference was I was free and folks respected my input. Now that I am not free, folks discard my realness like a used McDonalds wrapper after the hamburger is gone.
I have family members on both sides of the fence who refuse to write to me, visit me, or even acknowledge my existence. Why? Because I do not lie for them and make them to appear to be the saints that they are not. They have not done anything for me all these years and never even offered a wooden nickel, My well off family members want me to ‘beg’ them for aid. Not in this life time.
I’ve had childhood friends who literally laughed and mocked my exile fro civilization. Dudes who were only relevant because I made them relevant. Dudes whose lives I saved from death more than once. Dudes who slept in my beds and vice versa. Dudes that I grew up with all my life. These aren’t people I knew or met on the internet, chat line, or some pen pal website. These are dudes that I once admitted as ‘Brothers Keepers:
I tell my homies who I grew up hustling with under the unemployment tree,,, Homies that go wayyyyy back to the days of Ice Cube, Big Charlotte, Myra and all the rest we use to trick with. I’m talking about homies that I drunk Jungle Juices with, while eating boudin and hot beer on the railroad tracks. Back in the days when we went in clubs like Lexus, Plt Stop, M&M, Carriers 88 and owned every club we put our foots in. I’m talking about “Those Homies”. I tell them “Man if you haven’t got rich by now in all these years I’ve been gone, then you hustling to get hustled. Get a job. Live right. “and they tell me that I’m tripping. That somehow I’m not real no more. That prison life has made me talk crazy, and what they fail to realize is I’m living … whether ‘existing’, under the worst conditions in all of America’s prisons. I tell my homies these things out of love. Not hate. I tell them these things cause I don’t want them to go through the hardships that I am going through. I may make it look easy, but trust me its not. I’m a mirror to their short comings and because I tell them the truth. I’m an Ass.
I am on Death Row to the false testimony my first cousin, Tata, testified to and he wasn’t even there. A man I clothed in the latest name brand styles. A man who I loved once more than a brother. He drove my cars, lived at all my homes. Had sex with some of my ‘side –pieces’ and other women that I had arranged for him to be with. We partied every night like Rock stars before any of them current celebrities started talking about buying up the bars or making it rain. I was doing that for us back in the mid 90’s and he never had a penny to his name. I remember Tata telling me once, “kinfolk I’m living like a king just being around you”
So imagine the heartbreak I felt seeing him on the witness stand for the State of Texas helping them rob me of my freedom and vampireously seek to end my life. For years I hated what he did never hating him, and during those years I was so miserable I teetered with insanity on a daily basis. Until one day I rationally stopped crying over spilled milk that had dried up and evaporated before my eyes. My life has never been defined by ‘a moment’ within my life. I’m greater than the sum of haters.
So I forgave myself centred aunts and unles. My family, my childhood friends, Tata, my homes and most importantly I FORGAVE MYSELF, for my own ignorance that allowed me to become vulnerable by my own carnal actions. Being the Realist that I am, I know that I am just as much to blame as any. And because I freely chose to forgive cements the reality that I’ll never ever forget!
So is your friend(s) today a ass? True friends won’t give you alcohol to drink, and hand you car keys for you to drive. True friends wont hand you a gun to settle a dispute that could have easily been talked through. True friends wont ; lie to you just so you could feel good about yourself. And a true friend wont abandon you just because you have fallen from grace.
And if you consider me as a ass for telling you what’s real ….ha…ha…ha Ive been called worse and have lived just fine.
Shout out to all my Asses out there; my siblings. Jimmy Milton, Leann, Nina, Mike D, Anitra, and the Henrys, Knut Erick, Debbie, Geneva, Beast, Bamm. Head, Kendall, my baby moms (y’all still some strepitous heffas but I still have love for y’all … lol and respect greatly how well y’all have raised our children. Sedonia I still love you and I don’t know why. I knew I should have never ate your spaghetti and tomato sauce), Shout out to Kelly Rowland for that “dirty laundry” lawd knows we all got some. A huge shout out to all my German people. Germany has the greatest humanitarians on the planet. Never met one that I didn’t like. They the only ones trying to save my life beyond words and procrastination. Shout out to Sandie, A little British woman with good intentions and a big heart. I’m Praying for you and your health.
Shout out to Lanea I miss you baby gurl, Holla. Shout out to Dennis Dugas and wheres my muther f$&%@ money?. Don’t make me Nino Brown yo ass (smile) Shout out to Tick, Andrew Mallory, Ray Brown, Thunder, Bo top, Christina Mamou, Madear, Tammy Mamou, Big Jolly and all of my R.I.P click
Shout out to my children – stop acting like y’all mothers and write me before y’all make y’all Daddy mad, I don’t care how tall y’all get, my belt is still taller.
And Shout out to the Biggest Ass of them all:ME, cause I love me some me. I love who I am, I’m gonna do whatever it takes to regain my freedom that was stolen from me Believe that:
Charles Chucky Mamou June 2013